One of the conundrums of midlife dating is finding the balance between too picky and just choice enough. We know that all relationships require give-and-take, but we're not sure where to draw the line on giving.
For the hopelessly single, finding the ideal mate seems like a daunting, impossible task. However, the truth about finding an ideal mate is actually very simple – it's simply that many people just don't know where to look or how to begin. If you're keen to get out of singledom and into a loving relationship, this article's geared at helping you work out how to get started on your search.
Imagine what it would be like to experience the following:
- Finding someone you totally “click” with who loves and appreciates you exactly as you are
- Enjoying incredible sharing, mutual support, and deep intimacy
- Having the most fun you’ve ever had; being able to play with abandon
- Having complete trust in one another, knowing that your partner is always there for you
- Healing the wounds from your past in a loving and supportive relationship
Here some tips for find the ideal mate :
1. Figure out your own mind first. The first step to finding your ideal mate is a paper and a pen. No, you're not going to write a personal ad. What you are going to do is list your traits and the traits you desire in a mate. Included in this list should be: your personality traits and those of a desired mate, your physical traits, and the desired physical traits your mate will have, as well as interests and hobbies, religion and beliefs (both yours and if your mate must be the same religion or hold a similar belief system or lack thereof), desire for children and your willingness to accept another's children, your communication style, etc. You may want to draw on the help of your friends for the personality portion, as well as your past relationships. If you take a look over this, it'll be easier for you to recognize what personality types you got along with the best.
2. Be aware of what other people tend to look for in a mate. Since there are numerous studies on what men and women look for in a mate, make use of them so that you can understand what others are looking for. This can allow you to emphasize your strengths in whichever area, to signal clearly that you've got the interesting traits, beliefs, or do the activities that your potential mate is looking for. Some of the most popular things men and women look for in one another are:
- Women are looking for (in order): Personality, sense of humor, common interests, intelligence, cleanliness, looks, sexiness, getting to know the man through a friend, voice, spirituality, profession, money, talent, and finally, religion.
- Men are looking for: Personality, sense of humor, intelligence, common interests, looks, cleanliness, sexiness, voice, talent, spirituality, money, religion, getting to know the woman through a friend, and finally, profession
3. Turn the list into a profile of what kind of mate you're looking for. This is a skeleton of a person. It should not be a list of demands, but rather a basic outline of the soul you're looking for. The list needs to be realistic and prioritized.
4. Love yourself and your body. This is hot tip of the century; your ideal mate is going to be the person that loves you as you are and sees that you do too. If you cannot come to terms with this reality, then some confidence-building is in order and the mentality of wanting to fall in line with whatever your date says has to go out the window. Things to bear in mind to help you on your quest for the ideal mate include:
- You're worth it. Yes, you really are. And prove it by walking tall, with your head held high, smiling and feeling confident. That's attractive and it's going to let potential mates see that you're approachable as well as self-confident.
- List all the things that are great about yourself – why you make a great friend, what your top 10 accomplishments are, what you're proud of in life, and why you're a great catch.[3]
- Dress to look good, not to fit the fashion, the label, or worst of all, the size on the tag. Whether you're male or female, good dressing that makes the most of your assets is always attractive and sets you apart from other people.
- Be comfortable with your body. It's much more attractive than constantly sending out signals that you're paranoid about your butt size or your wimpy arms.
5. Start looking. Find social groups and events where your mate might spend time, and where there are likely to be plenty of conversations with each of the people involved. It's very important that you put yourself where you're likely to find your ideal mate instead of hoping that that person is the next one to sit down on the bar stool beside yours. The best places to look for your ideal mate are at places where you enjoy spending time, as it's likely that this first shared interest will get things started. Places to spend time looking for your ideal mate include:
- Singles groups. These could be groups in local churches, dating services, or online. They're the most obvious source because everyone has outwardly declared that they're searching for someone, and while they have their pitfalls, the good thing is that everyone is there for the same purpose. You may find that your perfect mate on the hiking trip is married, or that there are no potential spouses in the auto detailing club, whereas singles groups are guaranteed singleness at least!
- Hobby and sports clubs. You will need to know the relationship status of others in these environs of course but if you're participating in something you're enjoying doing anyway, what's the rush? You've plenty of chances to find out about the other people there and work out who is free and of interest to you, all while pursuing a hobby, sport, or other interest. The fact of the shared interest will likely increase your chances of compatibility.
- The workplace. You'll know very early on in a workplace who is single and who is not. The downside is the continued proximity and the wagging tongues; it can also be harder down the track if you're both in the same workplace, married, and going for the same promotion but that's something to contend with later on. A shared career path can actually be really beneficial for some couples and does mean that you're ideal mates.
- On vacation. This is a great time to find people who are in their relaxed mode. The downside is that they might live and/or work nowhere near you, and they might just be in it for a "holiday fling". Do some question asking before falling for someone on vacation.
6. Do some reality checking as you get to know your date better. As the relationship evolves and you're becoming closer, how do you know that this person is "the one"? Love can leave you giddy and can lead you to overlook the "little things" that can actually be rather big things once you try spending your life together. Things to find out before you're ready to declare this person your "ideal mate"
7. Make sure you tell someone that you're looking for a long-term relationship from the onset. The worst thing you could do to yourself is fall in love with someone who hits the road three months later because they're not ready to settle down. You should tell someone you are looking for a relationship after the first few dates (it's a bit desperate to discuss this on the first date!), or as soon as you know you're interested in this person. Don't be in a rush to commit; just make sure you're both on the same page. Let them know that's all you're doing. And bear in mind that you need to use your common sense when sounding out commitment issues; after all, nobody wants to discuss marriage on the second date!
8. Don't rush things and give the relationship plenty of time to unfold. When you find someone who seems to fit the profile, take a deep breath and go slowly! Spend a lot of time talking, listening, and seeing different aspects of this person you care about. Of course, you want there to be attraction, but you want to get to know this person as well. And you want to see how you interact in a range of situations, such as at leisure, during stressful periods, being around family, and in professional situations.
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